A more graceful way to move through your day — with a free downloadable template.
Full disclosure: This is going to seem obvious. It’s going to seem tedious. The Liminal Ticket is going to seem like something you shouldn’t need to do as a functioning adult.
And yet.
This article will be useful to you if you’ve experienced any of the following things in the past week:
- started going somewhere (driving, walking, biking) and then at some point realized you’re unconsciously going somewhere else out of habit
- realized you forgot something you really needed for whatever the appointment is (your kids aikido gi, your reading glasses, your headphones, that report that’s still sitting in the printer).
- had to apologize to someone who would have liked to know that you were going somewhere, but you didn’t tell them.
- arrived for your appointment at the right time, with the right stuff, with the right people aware — and suddenly realized I didn’t need to be here. I don’t want to be here. Why am I here, anyway?
4 Out of 5 ADHD Pundits Agree: Liminal Spaces are the Enemy
It might be your big transitions — holidays, vacations, big blocks of time. It might be little transitions — leaving for work, coming home. It might be micro-transitions — going to sleep, waking up. It might even be surprise transitions — transitions you didn't know were coming at all. Whatever the kind of transition you struggle with, you're not alone in that struggle… — Take Control ADHD
…you’re not alone with the fast pace of life and the coordinated effort of the Attention Economy to distract and extract our focus, this is an issue that goes far beyond neurodivergence. But I can’t write from any other perspective, being pretty diverged myself. Still, based on the idea of Universal Design, I’m going to guess that this is useful for more than neurospicy brains.
Let’s suppose that poor redditor up there is right. Transitions between things is the enemy, and haste is sabotage. The less time you have between stopping one thing and starting another — that liminal space — the more likely it is that you will forget something important.
So how do you overcome the enemy? Well, there is certainly the idea of brute force, but as a Sensitive New Age Gray I wonder if the true victory over an enemy might be to make them your friend?
That’s what the Liminal Ticket does. It’s a pass through that transitional space that changes it from dread and fear and stress into ease, simplicity, and even joyful anticipation.
Sure, but what is it?
Before I get into the how or the what, though, there’s one absolutely essential piece to a Liminal Ticket: when.
You need to make yourself a Liminal Ticket before the transition. And the more time before, the more effective the ticket. So if you are like me, and tend to work at one project until the absolutely last possible moment before jumping up to try not to be late to my next appointment…well, then you are like me in that this is something that needs to change.
You need to take the time to do this for it to work. Again, it seems obvious…but for everything from journaling to exercise to yoga to drawing, we have a tendency to not give ourselves the time to let the practice work, because we’re conditioned by that nefarious Attention Economy to expect results in minutes! Days! Weeks! at most.
A Liminal Ticket can give you good results in minutes, as soon as the first time you try it. It did for me. But you have to make it BEFORE you get to the liminal space, the transition — kind of like how you need to buy a ticket before you get on a plane.
OK, enough preface. Let’s talk about how to do it.
Creating Your LIminal Ticket.
- Take out a small piece of paper. Index cards are perfect; sticky notes are good; I like the printable sheets of business cards because I carry my liminal tickets in my codex. But it should be small, and before you ask, yes, it should be paper.*
- You’re going to write down six questions — that really could be one-word questions, except that I have found that some need to be framed a little differently, or in a different order, to be most effective.
- Where are you going? This is pretty straightforward; the location you need to be at. The main reason you put it at the top is so that when your mind wanders as you drive/walk/hoverboard, you don’t accidentally take the exit to your girlfriend’s house because your muscle memory likes that turn better…ahem hypothetically speaking.
- What needs to come with you? This is the first reframe: not What do you need to bring? because that is a list of things you need to do and honestly your to-do list is too long already. But past-you has acquired all the things you need for this next event, and all of it is just waiting to be invited along, like your own personal entourage. So write down what’s in that group, and see how easy it is to gather them together.
- When do you need to leave in order to arrive early? Not “travel time”; this is based on my personal belief and experience that If you don’t get there early, you’re going to be late. So sure, look at how long Google Maps says it will take to get there — and then give yourself ten or fifteen minutes earlier to leave** (more if you are bringing others with you, especially tiny others).
- Who should know you’re going? I admit, the answer to this may be nobody, and if so, that’s great — but just taking a moment to answer the question can remind a partner/spouse/boss/staff/kids whoever that you’re going to be in transition, and that might keep them from asking you for things while you’re in transit. Or — and this is where this question really pays off— it gives them a chance to remind you of something you forgot.
And if you have a child going through the liminal space with you, make sure they know it’s going to happen as well*** - How are you feeling about this? This is another important reframe — I know, you thought “how” was going to be something about a mode of transportation, but no, this is more important. Do a gut check. Are you looking forward to this? Are you over-peopled? Did you sleep well? Are you hungry? Any combination of these? As G.I. Joe told us, knowing is half the battle.
Ok, G.I. Joe was full of shit, it’s not half the battle, it’s maybe 10%…but being compassionately self aware can really help you get through things. I’m still angry about what that Senator said on CNN…so maybe I need to breathe slow while I drive, and not take it out on my poor Toyota. - Why are you doing this trip in the first place? This shouldn’t be a trite answer; if your answer is because they scheduled the $#@! meeting in person this time or because that’s where his basketball team plays then you need to go deeper: why is this worth going to? What outcome are you hoping for, what is the purpose of this trip?
Answering this question on a deeper level gives you two opportunities:- You realize you’re doing this because it’s part of your core values, your goals, your sense of self, and it makes it easier to do — maybe even turns into something you look forward to.
- You realize this doesn’t actually need to be done. And you can rip up the Liminal Ticket and go about your day, free!
Here’s a PDF to give it a try.
I’ve formatted a page of Liminal Tickets to fit an AVERY 5317 business card template, and I printed out a sheet of them, popped them out (so satisfying!) and put them in my codex so that at any given time I can pull one out either to consult, to fill out, or just to write in the upcoming appointment so I have it handy. You could also do this in a notebook, of course, or on an index card (I’m working on a rubber stamp for that one, stay tuned!). It’s a free download, though I’m always happy to accept tips. 😊
For some this whole process may seem like overkill — why don’t you just go where you need to go and bring what you need to bring? which as you can tell from the first four words is an ableist and presumptive statement of privilege.
If I could just I would just. But I’ve found, especially for busy weeks, that this reduces the chances of me forgetting things, going the wrong way, or inadvertently being inaccessible to people who need me.
So enjoy! And if you do find it useful, by all means, let me know.
* Look, yes, you could do this in Apple Notes or Notion or Evernote or whatever. But that means you are having to turn on your phone, open the app, and find the document where you wrote this stuff down, all while dodging notifications and dismissing alerts and in general fighting the most distracting device ever invented from stealing your focus to something more profitable for the Techuminati.
Or, you could just pick up a piece of paper, and see what you wrote. Personally, I think that works better, but you do you.
** Not “to start getting ready to leave.” Me, I set an additional alarm about 15-30 minutes earlier to remind myself to get ready to go.
*** Sorry, I know you didn’t need to know that, I’m not trying to tell you how to care for your little one. That was actually just a message for past-me who wishes he’d figured this out back when mine were little…